you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
