I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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