I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
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You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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My legs feel like baby dolphins
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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