Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
