so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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