I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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