so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
