when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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