I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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