I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
