You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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