dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
