it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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