Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I party with great urgency now.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
