1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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