Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
