You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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