I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
