how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
