I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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