Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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