I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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