just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
