True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
