i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
