i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
