And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize