Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
