Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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