I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
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I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
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Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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