if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
