..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
