i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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