first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
