I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
