I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
