he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
