yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
