You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
