Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
