i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
