we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
