Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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