Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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