i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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