What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
