How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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