I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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