Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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