Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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