I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
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I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
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I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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