It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
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I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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