you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
