Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
