First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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