i permit you to call me
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
