umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize