If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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