I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
