so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
