I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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