I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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