You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
