I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
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I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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